West to East..
Conference and Birthday Amidst a Typhoon in Hong Kong
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| Harmonious Family Set Sailing (kites made by children) Kites on conference venue ceiling symbolize fun, freedom, love and family harmony |
John and I leave for Hong Kong via Delta airlines where I
have been invited to present a keynote speech at an International Conference
entitled Parenting in the 21st Century.
The faculty of Social Sciences of the
University of Hong Kong in collaboration with the Tung Wah Group of Hospitals
hosted this event to discuss ways to support Hong Kong parents who work long
hours and feel pressure to help their children succeed academically amid the
stress of insufficient child care, poverty, high unemployment and a high cost of
living. Both our taxi driver and the lovely social worker Chiyan who meets us
at the airport tell us that to buy a 400 square foot condominium in Hong Kong
it costs 5-6 million Hong Kong dollars which translates to $500,000 to 750,000 US dollars.
(About 7.8 Hong Kong dollars buys 1 US dollar.) Given that Chiyan tells us the
average salary for a social worker is about $2000 US dollars a month it is hard to imagine
how he can save enough money to buy a condo. He is currently living at home with
plans to marry his girl friend in 2 years when he is 32. In fact, most young people in their 20’s and
30’s here are living with their parents to save money. While housing costs are also high in American
cities such as Seattle, San Francisco and New York, US social worker and
psychologist salaries are twice as high as in Hong Kong (approximately 40-50,000 US dollars).
Driving into Hong Kong I am struck by the density of the
incredibly high condominiums. Hong Kong is a city of 7.5 million people living
in 427 square miles. It is the world's 4th most densely populated territory. Later looking out the window of our hotel I imagine that
people in those condos would not be looking out at sky or sunshine but rather
at another condominium tower a few feet away from their window.
The next day I
learn at the conference from another speaker, Professor Frank Furstenberg that
major changes in the Hong Kong family over the past 50 years such as more gender
equality, later marriages, decreased fertility, and more women than men
enrolled in university are associated with increased divorce, more non marital
childbearing and a wider discrepancy between the privileged and less privileged
social classes. In fact, to my surprise the rate of divorce in Hong Kong
exceeds the rate in the US. The widening achievement gap and socioeconomic
inequality echoes the problems in the US and seems to be a global phenomenon.
And like the US, the middle class families struggle trying to support their
children for higher university education without the financial resources to
make this happen.
In turn the youth experience the stress and competition of school as well as the future challenge of caring for their elderly parents. All of this sounds remarkably familiar.
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| Professor Samson Tse and Dr. Margaret Wong Co-Chairpersons of Conference Organizing Committee |
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| Professor Frank Furstenberg, Professor of Sociology University of Pennsylvania |
In turn the youth experience the stress and competition of school as well as the future challenge of caring for their elderly parents. All of this sounds remarkably familiar.
My talk was to be on the 2nd day in the morning, however a grade 8 typhoon develops and the conference day is cancelled. This is October 21, John’s 70th birthday. The city is essentially closed down on pause with no bus or transportation services, and without the usual bustle on the streets or of boats and ferries in the harbor. I get to spend John's birthday with him after all. We nap, listen to the Trump-Clinton 3rd debate, Dylan music, talk to our son and daughter-in-law and find this pause for a typhoon kind of exciting. It feels like Seattle when there is a snow storm… that we have been given a free day without any obligations. Later that night we are joined by one of the conference organizers, Professor Samson Tee who comes to the hotel with his wife and son and invites the four speakers to a wonderful meal in the hotel.
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| Dr. Susan Morton from New Zealand Dr. Sophie Havighurst from Australia |
Given all the work that was put into organizing this conference over the past year, the conference team still remain incredibly hospitable and flexible attending to our every need.
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| John's birthday cake |
team had taken us out for dinner and ended the meal with a birthday cake for John, singing happy birthday in Cantonese as well as English. Matthew Cheung Kin-chung, the secretary for labour and welfare had talked in his presentation about the 3 C’s Caring, Compassionate, and Cohesiveness. Certainly this interdisciplinary Hong Kong team demonstrated this in their every action.
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| Conference Organizing and Caring Team |
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| Receiving a gift from the conference team |
The food and restaurants we were taken to by our hosts were
remarkable. Over dinner and lunches I am
coached by Dr Sandra Tsang Kit Man, Associate Professor of Social Work in how
to hold the chop sticks appropriately and challenged to pick up tiny pieces of
slippery onion.
We all persist with chop sticks trying to show we are capable but aren’t entirely sure of the correct etiquette. Can I use my hands to pick up something? Can I put the bowl of noodles close to my mouth so I won’t spill on my dress? And is making the slurping sound disrespectful? Finally, I ask Sandra and she tells us that in Japan we definitely must make the slurping sound to indicate we have enjoyed the noodles but not in Hong Kong, nor should we hold the noodle bowl too close to our mouth. (However, she later tells me that slurping with food other than noodles in Japan is not acceptable). The food itself is presented as a piece of art.. spectacular to look at. I seem to prefer taking pictures of this food rather than eating this artistic effort. I can’t imagine how much time went into making all these individual courses… all totaled we have 8-9 different servings at each dinner.
Menu included honey-glazed pork with garlic king oyster mushrooms, roasted Peking duck, winter melon soup, sautéed prawns, sweet and sour pork with crispy wontons, king razor clams with kale, stir fried kale with ginger, fried rice with lotus leaf, mango rolls and fresh fruit platter. Wow…what a taste feast.
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| Dr. Sandra Tsang models and coaches how to eat Hong Kong style |
We all persist with chop sticks trying to show we are capable but aren’t entirely sure of the correct etiquette. Can I use my hands to pick up something? Can I put the bowl of noodles close to my mouth so I won’t spill on my dress? And is making the slurping sound disrespectful? Finally, I ask Sandra and she tells us that in Japan we definitely must make the slurping sound to indicate we have enjoyed the noodles but not in Hong Kong, nor should we hold the noodle bowl too close to our mouth. (However, she later tells me that slurping with food other than noodles in Japan is not acceptable). The food itself is presented as a piece of art.. spectacular to look at. I seem to prefer taking pictures of this food rather than eating this artistic effort. I can’t imagine how much time went into making all these individual courses… all totaled we have 8-9 different servings at each dinner.
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| Notice the actual gold leaf on the upper right piece of fish |
Menu included honey-glazed pork with garlic king oyster mushrooms, roasted Peking duck, winter melon soup, sautéed prawns, sweet and sour pork with crispy wontons, king razor clams with kale, stir fried kale with ginger, fried rice with lotus leaf, mango rolls and fresh fruit platter. Wow…what a taste feast.
Another aspect of being in a new culture is to know what is
the appropriate way to greet a new person or say good bye. Should we shake hands? Kiss on one or both
cheeks? Hug? And how is this procedure different for greeting men versus
women? I find by the third day I am
getting some hugs from several women who seem genuinely pleased to see me and our
greetings have been changing over time.
So perhaps there is a progression to this greeting thing!
On the third day my presentation is rescheduled with
somewhat less time. Of course I have too much material but hopefully I have
been able to make the case for the importance of responsive and caring
parenting as an antidote to all the other stressors that parents and children
are coping with. Most important seems
finding ways for families to give children more playful and loving
child-directed focused time and attention rather than too much pressure to perform. The kite theme seems very apt to depict the idea of letting children fly safely with parental emotional support and flexibility.
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| Hong Kong group leaders trained in IY parent program |
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| Kitty Heung, Social Worker |
She reported that parents were engaged and drop out rates similar to US rates.
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| Dr. Maureen Kong |
Also I got to meet Maureen Kong a Hong Kong psychologist who had done her dissertation evaluating my basic parenting program as well as her professor Terry Au. Happily, she has some nice results which she hopes to publish soon.
The 3rd conference day concludes with another amazing Dim Sum lunch and we reluctantly say good bye to new friends.
That evening John and I take a ferry to see the Symphony of the Lights which seems a fitting end to meeting new friends, a typhoon and problem solving in regard to new challenges. The next day we will leave for Guilin in China.
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| Symphony of Lights Hong Kong |
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